I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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