I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
