Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
