she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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