Whats the glycemic index on semen?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
