I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
