we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
