I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
