he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
