I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
