I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
