Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
