my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
