My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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