So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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