The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
