Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
