He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
