Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
