I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize