Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I love you.
Bad choice
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
