my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
