i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
