he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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