i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
NoShamevember. You game?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
