So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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