i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
