Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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