you have to choose: penises or morals?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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