the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
