I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
