Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
