woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
