Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
