Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
