She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
