don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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