i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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