You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize