God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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