Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
