We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Randomize
