I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
