im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
