So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
