i wish starbucks made bloody marys
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
40s are totally the cure
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
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