All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
