he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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