Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
