Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
