rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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