Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
