Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
