first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
now i know why i became what i already was.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
