I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
