we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
