Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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