listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
NoShamevember. You game?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
