Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
