it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
So vagazzling was a success
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
