I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
