I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
