i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
