This girl is more easily done than said...
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
