your room smells of hookers.
And success
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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