i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
operation have a gay friend backfired
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i came on her dog
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
