everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
