Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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