ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
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Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
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For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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