I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
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Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
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I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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