Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
