Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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