its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
