So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
