To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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